Is this my Country?

The other night when we were going back to our apartments after an extended Christmas party, as we split from the group to head towards our street, a fellow student asked me and my friend if we would be fine walking alone so late at night. Pop came the reply in my head "Of course we'll be fine. This isn't India". I stopped myself from saying the second part, because I didn't want to sound degrading towards my country. I didn't want to label my country 'dangerous'.

The very next morning I woke up to the news of the horrific Delhi gang-rape case. I haven't been able to think of anything else since. The more I read about the gruesome act, the more angry, helpless and frustrated I feel. The sheer brutality, audacity and confidence of the men who turned into worse than rabid dogs and ruined a young and independent girl's life has shocked and rattled the core of (i desperately hope) almost all us. The only fault of the girl - she stepped into this world and chose India.

There has been rampant Delhi-bashing...the city is being called the 'Rape-capital' of the country. It is not about a city. The city's ancient monuments, beautiful gardens, and boulevards do not rape women. Men show disrespect towards women in all forms, all across the country. It is about the high concentration of perverts that the city's lax authority has allowed to grow and function as they will. It is about a strong misogynist mindset that is so deeply entrenched in our society. It is about unsuccessful and ill-bred men whose blood boils when they see a woman exercising her freedom, whom they then decide to 'teach a lesson'.

This incident is one ghastly reminder of how often and how easily the sickening patriarchal society tries to show its rising women their 'actual position' in society- inside the house at all times of the day. But then when she raises a voice and voices an opinion inside the house, she gets ridiculed, shouted upon, beaten up, or raped too. People and society are defined by the things they laugh at. For Indian men, women are objects of entertainment. What's with Indian men that makes them elbow an Indian woman when they spot her at a restaurant in Vienna?

Of course preventing such crimes is a state and security issue. But then does impounding buses with tinted glasses and curtains, installing more street lights and increasing police patrolling on the roads lead to men respecting women? Does killing the rapists or handing them over to blood-thirsty mobs lead to an end of violence against women? How many minutes will it take for another rape to happen after one rapist in killed? Maybe zero minutes. How does one annihilate a disease that has been allowed to grow and get stronger within the very fabric of our society?

Someone asked me if I missed my country, and the question left me thinking. I miss home, I said. I miss my parents and I miss my friends. I miss the colours and I miss the food. But do I miss feeling unsafe on the roads of my own country? Do I miss being stared at or manhandled on public transport? Do I miss not being able to step out after 9 pm without feeling a strong sense of insecurity? Do I miss being very careful while choosing what to wear? Do I miss thinking a hundred times before going out for an evening? No.

For a friend of mine here it was difficult to even believe that an incident like this could happen; that a group of value-deficient men could beat up a girl and a boy so brutally for being out together 'late at night'. Late at night? Why shouldn't a woman be out on the streets of her own city late at night? Why should a woman be raped at all, irrespective of the time of the day!? The response to this and many such crimes is we ask women to not step out after its dark, because that's when these sick-in-the-head monsters go about ready to pounce on a prey.

I'd say we need more women out of their houses late at nights, using public transport, working late,  going to the movies, going to pubs and restaurants. We need more women doing the things these stuck-up men don't want us to do; so that these culturally-illiterate people 'get used to seeing us'. We need education about human rights and dignity beginning right at the elementary level. We need a real Feminist Movement, just because we never had one. We need parents to teach their children how to respect their peers by setting a good example at home. We need to reform our sense of humour. We need to purge out the other evil and regressive face of our 'shining India'. 

Honeymoon-period ends.

I hated Germany when i first landed here. I didn't have a one Euro coin at the baggage counter of the Frankfurt airport to be able to take a trolly-car for my monster bag and so, ended up dragging it and lifting it and fumbling around with it while making my way to the other terminal for my connecting flight. As I went ahead for checking-in my luggage, it seemed my bags had gained weight on flight and I cringed as the lady at the counter eyed my 50 Euros. I had an unpleasant exchange of words with the security personnel when he threw away my favourite bottle of water which was empty. And then, I had to wait for 6 hours for my flight to Dresden. I couldn't contact family and friends because there was no free wi-fi and all computer terminals wanted small coins to function. During those 6 hours I cursed myself heavily for ever choosing to accept this scholarship. I fell into deep pits of depression, and jet-lag and lack of sleep didn't help either. If someone would have handed me a flight ticket to India, I would have grabbed it and made my way to the flight as fast as possible. I'm glad that didn't happen!

Seven hours later when I landed at Dresden and made my way to the Goethe-Institute in a Mercedes-Benz taxi, it felt like God had taken pity on me. The warm welcome at the institute and free wi-fi after hours felt like bliss, and when I saw my Mother's face on my computer screen, I fought back tears and faked enthusiasm. I received keys to my single room at the International Student's guesthouse at the Dresden-Altstadt (Old Town) and as the taxi drove me over the river Elbe revealing the historic Altstadt, I knew things could only get awesome from now on! That moment onwards, I loved every single thing around me - my single room, the large windows, the view and the cleaning ladies who would shine up my room every two weeks and leave the pillow puffed up on the immaculate white bed.

The five months that I spent learning German at the Goethe institute was the Honeymoon Period. It was everything that I had ever dreamed of and craved for. Learning a new language in it's country with people from all over the world, meeting people and exchanging ideas, travelling to my heart's content with new friends, trying new food, having a variety of experiences with people and places, being independent (and responsible), barbecues, international dinners, night outs, making close friends and being paid for doing all this - if this isn't (academic) honeymoon period, nothing is! ;-)

I thought while managing resources and doing everything by myself I had grown up in those five months, but now I realise it was a cake-walk.

The day I began packing and placing things back into my suitcase to move to Erfurt, my heart broke and its pieces sank. My dream-life was facing its closure and my bags were heavy beyond expectations.    I was anxious about sharing an apartment, which i had never done before. How do strangers share a kitchen and bathrooms, I couldn't imagine.

When I entered my room here in Erfurt, i felt a blow of disappointment inside me. I decided I would move out as soon as possible. To say the least, it was dirty.  The dust gave me an allergy that very evening and I felt feverish when I thought about all the work and patience that the place demanded of me. And then, like a saviour, came Ikea! The home-improvement store. (Did I just sound like a cheap advertisement for Ikea? I must have. I am now so well versed with the huge store that I could be a tour-guide inside it.)  My equally hassled friends and I made five trips in one week to this shop to turn our rooms into our 'homes'. We had to put in that extra effort to be able to make ourselves love this space which would be our home for the next years. We had to define our rooms well so as to be ready to face the not-so-colourful winter and heavy academic doses after all those beautiful summer months and intellectual rest! Bright bed-clothes, curtains, lampshades, orchids, paper bins, utensils, mirrors, candles - we were the typical desperate shopaholics. We convinced each other and ourselves that we 'needed' a big lamp-shade or a carpet in our rooms to feel at home.

I never imagined setting up home was such a task. But, I also realised that we all carry our homes within us at all times. Finally, after about two weeks of being here and breaking our heads and bodies over making our new apartments 'lovable and livable' (as my parents call my room), most of us feel confident and comfortable about our new spaces.

I have begun to move-on. My love affair with my life at Dresden is coming to a close. University and the grilling that accompanies it, begin on Monday.

Being away from Home

My 23rd birthday brought with it my many Firsts. It has been three months since I arrived in Dresden and started a new life, a life so different from the one that I had back home. Living all by myself, managing money that for the first time was strictly limited, cooking without my Mother's supervision, doing laundry and remembering to keep my kitchen stocked up, waking up to the annoying alarm rings and making myself breakfast while struggling to convince myself to do the same- these are things I always knew I'll have to do some day, and I had always looked forward to being independent; but when it actually hit me, it overwhelmed me. The realisation that I couldn't ask for a few crispy notes from my Father's wallet after I had finished my Month's pocket-money, felt like a jolt. Eating my meals all alone with a movie playing on my computer months after months makes me miss the rule back home- the family eats together, no matter what! Yes, I do miss home...but, that doesn't mean I want to leave this life and go back. Not yet!

This place and this life makes me stronger as a person, and I think I'll finally 'grow up'. It is a bitter-sweet experience and so far, more sweet than bitter. New experiences, new places, new people, new food, new languages, new cultures, new everything! Isn't this what I have always craved for and isn't this what I enthusiastically signed up for when I signed on the scholarship acceptance form?! As my parents and professors said, living abroad all by myself wouldn't be full of sunshine always; there'll be dark, cold and gloomy days too. Starting to learn from scratch about surviving, living and being all by oneself can be disorienting at times- especially when one desires to do a lot of things and 'experience it all'. So, I often tell myself, 'Hey, what's the hurry? slow down a bit!'. 

I have realised that there'll be Good-byes and Hellos galore. As I visit new places and meet new people, goodbyes will follow invariably. It is astonishingly easy to be good to people here and also to get attached to them knowing fully well that if not you, they will leave...soon. Being far away from family and friends that you grew up with makes you want to cling desperately to someone who seems even slightly similar. I guess that is the reason why it is so easy and quick to make friends here; because everyone wants to feel at home. The more goodbyes this place makes you say, the more independent and strong you become as a person. And, the better you understand the worth of the 'permanent people' in your life. I have realised that being far from home doesn't make you distant. It only strengthens the bond, and makes you value your roots more than you previously did. When something beautiful takes away my breath and i turn to no body in particular to point it out to them, i understand how important it is to share your happiness with your favourite people! 

I am amidst some wonderfully interesting people here. My friends here hail from different parts of the world, their countries so far away from mine, and their cultures so different from mine, we could be from different planets. Yet, there's something so basic, simple and beautiful that binds us together and makes us want to be 'there for each other'. We tell each other how we have to be family for the next two years (the few of us that'll be together). And, that's how we understand how important our families and friends back home are...when we strive to find a temporary replacement! 

Executing the 'Master Plan'

The Master plan has always been to be able to travel and to experience novelty and an adrenalin rush at all moments. It took a long time for my travel lust to get an opportunity to satiate itself, but the wait makes it sweeter and more treasured. Ever since I can remember, I have been hooked on to travel shows dreaming of being a 'Traveller'; and, that's what my answer used to be to the eternal and almost automated question "What do you want to be when you grow up?". I never said I wanted to be a travel-show host, I just always wanted to be in the places they showed and do the things they did, so, I wanted to be just a Traveller. Not to mention the confused follow-up questions this would inspire! I grew up watching Samantha Brown's and Ian Wright's travel chronicles and I continue to admire and envy them.

Getting a scholarship to study in Germany has encouraged the travel bug to bite me even harder. Being here for the next 2 years and a half has filled me with the desire to walk all over Europe and know it's story as much as I can. Travelling is much more than a leisure activity for me. It's not what I like to do when I have a few free days. It is something I want to do all the time, and when i choose not to travel, that'll be my free time. That is of course, the ideal situation. I don't travel to escape the monotony of life. I travel because, for me it is the best way to find myself and to know myself better. It is like meditation for me. Everyone has different reasons to travel and all are equally valid, of course. Every time I have traveled to a new place or a known place, I have invariably discovered a new aspect of me. When I meet new people, see new places and terrain, and eat new food, I learn. I learn how we are all different and yet so inherently similar. I learn about the things that make us different and the things that make us one. It is so easy to spot the differences when one is detached from one's environment, but try going deeper and you will marvel at what you unravel.

My first stop in what I termed in one of my careless Facebook updates, "My European Conquest", was Budapest. I started out with very superficial knowledge about the city. It is the capital of Hungary, it is the capital of baths and spas, and it has a beautiful Parliament. When I entered the train that would take me to Budapest, all I could say to myself was "I'm travelling". 'Travelling' includes all things special for me. The moment I stepped out of the subway and onto the open in the city, I knew it was special. All places have a soul and if you're receptive enough, you can check if it is congruous with you in a jiffy. The three days I spent in Budapest are so special that I am sure the sight and memories of the place will linger on for very long. And, by virtue of the DSLR camera that I have finally managed to grasp, the sights the place offered to me will stay on, though in miniatures. Pictures are of course the best souvenirs. They are saturated with memories. When memory fails, look at the relevant picture to let the memories flood back.


Budapest is an architectural marvel. Baroque, Eclectic, Rococo, art-nouveau all manifesting their majestic best in a single city can be overwhelming and can induce speechlessness. Separated by the river Danube, Buda and Pest are two very different entities of a single city. While Buda has a rocky and uneven terrain studded with structures more traditional, Pest lies on plain land and hence easier to negotiate. Pest is a blend of ancient and modern, a mix so perfect. 

The River Danube, with Buda on the left and Pest on the right.

We were five of us who had travelled to Budapest. While two of us, Nasser and me had our hostel in Pest, our friends were at a hostel across the river in Buda. Technology failed and the two groups failed to communicate and hence meet despite being in the same city. That is a hint towards how separated Buda and Pest are despite being one. The two and a half days that we spent in Budapest, we walked as much as we could and at times even pushed ourselves. We got lost a number of times but always managed to find our way back to familiar places. After all, isn't getting lost the best way to find oneself! Most of the times our incentive to the long walks would be "grand meals" that we would promise ourselves. The food touched my soul. There were so many options that I felt helpless and miserable when I had to make the decision; and i'm quite sure Nasser felt the same way when he passed on the baton to me. I still believe his claim that I "needed practice at decision-making" was actually just convenient for him! I disliked the thought of having to miss out on 'the other option' and being the reason for it! Since we shared immense interest in food, we ended up blowing up an indecent amount of money over food. We both agreed that it made no sense to travel to Hungary to eat hot-dogs and sandwiches to save money for other things. What 'other things', we asked!

The Hungarian Goulash has a 'family-meal' feel to it

My first meal in Budapest. How i wish it would never finish! 'Pike perch fillet with dil shrimp ragout served with parsley potatoes.'

Sailing on the boat down the river Danube was the highlight of the trip. We had to make a short race against time to catch the last boat of the evening; the gates closed right at my heels. What followed was a 30 minute dream. Passing under the bridges and sailing past the Hungarian parliament is a feeling to which words can't do justice. All I know is, I kept my senses alert to be able to absorb the cool river breeze and all the shapes and colours available in sight. The Parliament is majestic.

Colours.

As the sun began to set, it bled bright and intriguing colours all across the sky, over the structures on the either side of the river and on the river. The way all of them reciprocated to the setting sun almost made it look like a conversation! The boat left us at the Margaret Island, which is in the middle of the Danube. We walked along the banks of the river until the sun had set and night had taken over. The night lights lit up and like magic the city turned golden against the royal-blue sky. It left me gasping for air. I gave up and sat under the bridge, staring at the perfect frame it provided for the Parliament on one side and the castle on the other side of the river. The Chain Bridge looked like a gorgeous gold necklace, and the Parliament was of course astonishingly enchanting.

That magical moment. The Hungarian Parliament and the Chain Bridge.

I repeatedly mention the parliament because, it demands that. I took many pictures of it, from different angles, with different frames, just to remind myself of how mystified I was at that moment. I would strongly recommend every one planning to go to Budapest to spend one evening by the riverbank just to soak in the view.


When it was time to end the trip, my entire being was exhausted. I absolutely love this feeling. Isn't it great when you crash on your bed and fall asleep instantaneously! I missed out on the famous and sought-after Budapest baths. I don't regret of course. I believe it is best to have unfinished business with your favourite people and places. It takes you back to them soon!